my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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