there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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