Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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