i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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