I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
