Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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