T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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