Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
