Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
40s are totally the cure
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
