Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
