I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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