whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
