Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What a dumb baby whore.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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