I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
