this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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