got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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