ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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