we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
