i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
