He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think your dad took our porno
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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