first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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