So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize