He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize