I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize