its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
