i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
