You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
