uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
