Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
