had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
