when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
