Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
