dude i'm inner monologue high
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
