I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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