im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
