i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
