did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
