I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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