Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
