We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
