Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
