There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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