i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
