I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
