Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
