Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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