Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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