There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
