I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
