there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
