Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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