im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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