I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
