note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
