So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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