TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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