guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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