I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
