Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
