the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
