Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
party gras won. party gras always wins.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
