Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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