It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
