we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
